The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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