Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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