I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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