i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the day after is always just damage control
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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