apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize