Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize