the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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