I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize