Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize