Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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