i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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