1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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