it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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