Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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