if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize