I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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