Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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