This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need moral support for this bender
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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