I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize