When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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