Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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