I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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