All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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