I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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