I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize