I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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