To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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