She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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