Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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