im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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