Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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