Sacagawea was the original milf.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize