bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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