He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
cat food counts as protein by the way
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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