the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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