Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize