I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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