I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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