this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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