i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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