i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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