Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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