Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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