then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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