We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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