I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He shit in the fireplace
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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