if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize