i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize