So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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