at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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